


You Gave That Thing a Water Gun?

by almostjack



Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: Claptrap is the worst, Jack being Jack, Nakayama is an HJ simp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 23:40:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28697088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/almostjack/pseuds/almostjack
Summary: A drabble in which Jack meets Claptrap for the first time. What the hell do you think happens.
Kudos: 3





	You Gave That Thing a Water Gun?

“Howwwdyyyy, friend!” chirped a tiny, yellow robot at Jack’s feet, wrapping two puny metal arms around his leg. “Working with my bestest buddy Jack is gonna be so much fun!”

Jack stared in disbelief. “What…the fuck….is this, Yamanaka?

“Uh, it’s Nakayama, sir. I reprogramed one of your CL4P-TP assassin units to function as an office assistant and companion bot for you. Its name is Claptrap. Do you like it?” simpered Nakayama.

Jack contemplated the idea for a moment. He definitely could use some help around the office, but not from this little trash can on wheels.

“Does it still kill things?” he asked, trying to shake his leg free from the robot’s grip.

“Well…no sir…. I removed that bit of code to make him a bit more user friendly.”

“ _Damn it, Namayaka_ , you just transformed a somewhat useless assassin bot into a completely useless ass-kisser. You think I don’t already have enough idiots with their lips stuck to my ass?”

“Do you want me to get rid of the other ass-kissers, Jack? My terrifying water projectile will soak them into submission!” boasted the CL4P-TP unit, shaking its odd, pincer-like little fist in the air.

“Water…projectile? A water gun. You gave this thing a Super Soaker? Please tell me you left his frag traps alone,” said Jack apprehensively.

“They’re no longer functional without the combat programming,” mumbled Nakayama, staring sheepishly at his feet. 

“Yeah? Let’s test that. Clappy-Face, do me a favor and frag this guy, will ya?”

“You got it, boss!” Claptrap said enthusiastically.

“What? Sir, n-no, please don’t!” pleaded Nakayama, his face stricken with panic.

The sound of gears whirring and joints clicking filled the tiny laboratory as the robot produced its weapon. Much to Jack’s dismay, a water gun deployed from Claptrap’s chest compartment and began to spray a weak stream of water on Nakayama’s shoes.

“I said _frag_ him, not clean his damn boots,” he hissed in irritation.

“I am subduing him, sir! No frags needed!”

“Blow ‘em up. Now, you little shit-bot.”

The water slowed to a trickle as the unit’s shoulders slumped.

“I can’t,” he mumbled apologetically.

Jack noticed the relieved expression on Nakayama’s face.

“So you weren’t even sure that your programming would be effective?” asked Jack, his tone ominous.

“I…umm…well…technology can be unpredictable, sir.”

“Uh-huh. Well so can I.”

Jack grabbed Claptrap by the arm, dangling the robot out in front of him, the way one might hold a dirty diaper. He strode over to the trash shoot, kicked it open, and punted the robot inside.

“BUT I LOVE YOUUUUU!” Claptrap screamed, his voice reverberating around the trash chute and growing progressively fainter as he neared the bottom.

“Thanks for nothing, Nakayama. Quit fucking with my stuff,” growled Jack, stomping away and leaving Nakayama looking crestfallen. He’d do better next time. He just needed another CL4P-TP unit….


End file.
